So I have been pushing down and hiding a side of me for a long time. I feel I have taught myself to be masculine. I did this by reading and understanding male characters. By watching TV and movies. It wasn't easy but something I gradually came to be good at. What I thought society expected of me to be. A MAN.
see the problem was is I'm not a man. I can act and pretend all day. But what I am is not masculine.
I am feminine inside and out. I have stopped hiding it. Why should I? I am no longer worried about what others think or say. They don't dictate who I am or what I am. I do that.
I have casually started to sit differently. Move differently. My mannerisms are becoming more of how I know I am.
Being me is awesome.
Hi Maddie,
ReplyDeleteBy way of introduction, I'm 60, am out to my wife, transgender, but have no plans of transitioning. I've read your previous posts and so much of what you say resonates with me. Indeed, I've often felt I was playing a role rather than being true to myself as well as to others.
It's hard being transgender whether one transitions or not. Not only do we have to come to terms with our inner demons and baggage, we also have to deal with cisgender people for whom gender concerns are, for the most part, inconceivable. They simply don't know what they don't know and come up with all sorts of inaccurate conclusions. Some are downright hateful but most are just ignorant. The good news is how much we are witnessing an emergence and acknowledgment of transgender people these days. Absolutely incredible!
Anyway, you're right. Being you is awesome. And the more that you are you, the better you'll be. It all takes time, some patience, and of course money. It also takes a support group and you're very fortunate that your wife is supportive of you. Be sure to be supportive of her, too. I've often read that trans people lived their whole lives "getting to know themselves and what it means to be trans" and we need to be supportive and patient with cisgender people for whom this is all new, unfamiliar, and at times, scary.
Hugs,
Emma
Thanks so much for the kind words. I am being as supportive of my my as I can be. This being new territory for us both. She is amazing and I feel we are becoming closer through this. I'm no longer afraid to be me with fear of losing her.
DeleteI've also realized that there are way more transparent people than I could have ever imagined and the support shown through the community to one another is spectacular. Every time I read something someone wrote I relate in some way or another.
Fell free to read anytime.
Hugs, Maddison
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DeleteHi Maddie,
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, I am often participating in forums and so forth at TGGuide.com, which supports all transgender people, female and male, and all ages. It is a clean, well-lighted place with helpful people from all over the world. It's entirely free. If you go, please ignore the home page, and select Forums, for which you'll need to register. Then you'll have the entire site open to you. Hope to see you there!
Hugs,
Emma